Stuff you need to survive in these times (a.k.a. 'what I'm thankful for)

If I'm gay, I don't want to turn into 'bittergayman.' You see that person sitting alone at a troll bar, constantly dogging on the gay culture, the scene and how much this town sucks. Still, this town does sort of suck. And there's plenty to dog regarding the gay culture.

But - that's the easy part. Making gays/lesbians/bisexuals depressed is like shooting fish in a barrel or getting an elderly bear to buy your drink at a bar.

So... I thought for this Saturday when the Red Sox won a game against the Yanks last night, I would give you 12 readers something different - things that I'm thankful for - or things that you need to survive in these times...

1. Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine - It comes out Tuesday, Oct. 4. It's released after a breakup with Paul Thomas Anderson, label problems and producer switches. Lots of my sizable female friends hated her because of her waif-chic look, but her albums always had an air of authenticity to them - and man, she can sing. This album is definitely going to Tucson - a welcome return to form from one of the most quirkyalone artists out there.

2. Straight friends - If gays, lesbians and bisexuals are to continue to make headway into the mainstream, we need a little help from our friends. Our cool, hip, literate, openminded straight posse. Hanging with your own kind, as eclectic as they may be, tends to limit your thinking and alienate you from the rest of society, something that the religious right no doubt wants.

3. Computers - The reason I'm writing this stuff. Computers have given many-a-confused, young gay/lesbian/transgender/bisexual a forum to discuss their issues without fear of being revealed before they have the awareness to fully acknowledge their sexuality. Yes, you have to deal with the scum predators, the over-eager gay recruiters who are fawning over a person because of their looks and not thinking about their well-being, but in general, I have to say that computers do far more good than harm when it comes to the evolution of society.

4. Kettle One Vodka - Because it rocks.

5. The New Pornographers new album, Twin Cinema - see answer no. 4


Preemptive Strike
I'm ending this on a bitter note, sorry. I'll try and keep it light... Preemptive strike today goes to guys in gay chat rooms whose picture is either their hairy ass or their schlong. I haven't met you yet. Now that you've made me lose my appetite, I definitely don't want to meet you. In the words of Green Day: "I don't know you, but I think I hate you / you're the reason for my misery."