The Elusive Middle Ground

I'm going to go easy on this one because I detest the 'why can't I find a boyfriend?' type of blog. I fully realize that a person's inability to find a mate is partially as a result of the person who is asking the question. It's not a bad thing - a relationship is something you should never 'settle' for. But still, here's the issue - at least in Omaha and Lincoln - guys are either the pierced, go to the Max five nights a week, get tweaked six nights a week and have unprotected sex as often as I shop for used CDs (about three times a week). These guys rarely see my face as I don't have time for that ilk. Contrast that with guys I usually date. Warm, caring and ... nice. After a date or two of witty conversation, I go back to his place just to hang out and it hits me. There are only five CDs in his tower (and three of them are party dance mixes). DVD library consists of cheesy 'girl' movies (Never Been Kissed, Miss Congeniality) most ALL of the Disney movies and a big budget no-brainers like Armageddon and Independence Day - maybe, maybe one serious movie like the Shawshank Redemption or Amistad. Their refrigerator is packed with take out boxes from Olive Garden and Applebee's. No spices in the cupboard and no spice with the person. I'm not saying that you are what you own, but a decent CD collection and a refrigerator filled with produce, herbs and a cupboard that has something other than salt at least shows that a person is somewhat passionate food and/or music. The last guy I dated didn't drink. That's not a biggie (would love to use that as an excuse to dump someone "he didn't drink"). But at his graduation party from college, he and his friends did nothing but play charades and drink soda. Some people can't drink because they are recovering alcoholics, some because of medical reasons, some because of some traumatic event. I fully empathize with these people. I myself bought a keg of Fat Tire for my college graduation and ensured that at least one bottle of quality gin, vodka and rum was circulating. Still, this just brings to front the gap between the dating selection. Most of the "nice" people have a general "whatever" or "that's good" attitude toward everything. I ask where they would like to go for dinner "oh, whatever, I like everything." I ask what they thought of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - if they watched it, it was "good." The same "good" review these folks applied to The Fantastic Four, Sweet Home Alabama and Monster In Law. Most of the women I've dated have been a lot more successful balancing between the occasional self-destructive night of debauchery and still are able to hold down a day job and be selective with who they go out with. Most of the women I've gone out with I've talked with them for hours on music, movies, the political climate. And for some reason, it's usually the women that share the same type of passion I have toward these things. I don't know if it is because most women have to be more defensive than guys in the dating world so they are inevitably more responsible, despite their own needs to cut loose every once in awhile or most women have a broader range of emotions than guys (gay AND straight). I won't give up hope though. There's a moody, geeky, introverted, video-game loving gay guy out there for me somewhere that has three towers of CDs and who has the following items in his kitchen at ALL times: garlic cloves, ginger root, soy sauce (not the salt water soy sauce from stores) and a decent set of knives. Preemptive strike LOL. Easy there sport. Usually the person receiving your wit is the ultimate judge whether your comment is 'LOL' - able. Some of these folks in the chat rooms or via IM have a nasty habit of attaching 'LOL' to everything. Example: "Oh, I'll probably do nothing tonight but laundry and pay bills - LOL" NO! That's a perfectly reasonable way to spend a Tuesday or hell, even a Friday night. It's not even remotely funny. These are the same types of people who laughed hysterically at their own jokes BEFORE the Internet age. Just goes to show you how far we have to go as a human race...