Monday, October 03, 2005

'Fag Hags' - The uneasiest of relationships

First off, I hate the term. It disrespects gays and it's a huge dis to a lot of best friends of gay men. It sounds pathetic. It sounds hopeless. It brings to mind lonely Friday nights spent in a bedroom as the 'fag hag' goes on and on why men are pathetic and the gay guy comforts the girl, rubs her shoulder, and vents why men are pathetic before they spring for a pint of Ben and Jerry's and they cuddle and watch Will and Grace and rent The Object of My Affection.

It's an uneasy relationship to maintain, however. I think straight female/gay guy best friend relationships go into that uneasy zone - where a gay guy wants so much to be with that girl, if only he were straight. And the girl - well, the guy represents everything that has failed in their relationships (possibly) - a sensitive, attentive, fun guy who likes a lot of the same things she does. It sounds perfect...

But - their growth starts to stunt, just like you are told coffee does to you if you drink it when you're a teenager. One is likely to disappoint another. One begins to feel guilty if they go out on a date. The other feels guilty for persuing a relationship while the other is going through a lonely downtime.

I don't know of any other relationship possessing this much potential for hurt. But at the same time, there are fewer relationships that seem more rewarding and complete. It's a tricky situation - I admire any couple who can go through this without inevitably hurting one another with this type of dynamic.


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