Thursday, August 25, 2005

Every time you masturbate, God destroys a job lead

I'm agnostic. But I'm not blind.
Being a proud member of the Quirkyalone team, I am fully aware of the desire to shake hands with the unemployed. Still, I know the Catholic guilt associated with the deed. Not to mention the scarring 'Family Circus' cartoons I viewed when I was growing up - about how dead grandpa and God were watching EVERYTHING Billy and Jeffrey and Dolly did.

But sometimes, the desire is too strong. I cave. And the next morning - I get a call - the job I was the top candidate for - they decided to remove the position due to budget reasons. I did the deed a few weeks ago as I decided how to best use my morning wood. After taking a shower, I get a voice mail, my uncle is in the hospital and near death. I felt like hell - God is punishing me.

I know this is a weird coincidence, but I've got an important job lead coming up. Time to practice some hard-core discipline. I'm not taking any chances with this one...

Regional Sexuality

I worked in Tempe, Arizona for about a year. While I was there, I was away from friends and family. It was time for a fresh start - a new identity. Whenever I start anew, I gain a ton of confidence because - well - I start at zero. There's no former relationship to judge, there're no associates who say "well, he's sort of a nerd" or "he's o.k., kinda boring." It's just you who will make the impression, no one else.

So, while I was there, I met this girl. Really intelligent. Really passionate about that stuff that I'm passionate about. Lo and behold, my sexuality went from one end of the spectrum to the other. Some experts will jump all over this and say "well, the reason you are gay is because you lack confidence, you seek confidence in others, and gays are notorious for not being confident, hence, the reason they're gay."

Whatever - I know plenty of confident gays out there.

Still, it got me thinking - can geography affect who you are sexually? If you are questioning your sexuality, would a specific region, such as San Francisco or the Netherlands, or other regions that are more accepting, make you more ... comfortable about exploring your sexuality? Or are there some regions that totally unlock and unleash what you so love about the opposite sex? It doesn't even have to be a city or state or country. It could be one table, at one specific coffee house, with Morphine playing in the background - that is capable of 'making the switch.'

Standards to obey - (because I forgot what I named this section)

Regardless - if you are in a Chat Room and you're gay, you cannot, absolutely, cannot, include 'boi' in your screen name if you are above the age of 24. Sorry, you're a quarter of a century old. Growing up hurts, but it's time you have to stop being a 'boi' and become a 'man', 'guy' 'geek' or whatever.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Advice for coming out...

I'm actually an advocate of staying in the closet. If you've made up your mind, then, yes - open the floodgates. Enjoy the release, the liberation and prepare to have your relations with your friends and especially family changed forever.

But... if you have the slightest doubt. If you think that while you enjoyed a homosexual encounter, you still are attracted to females, then don't let the occasional overly-helpful gay friend push you into a situation you're not willing to venture forth into. I'm not advocating living a closeted life for reasons of fear, more like I'm advocating seriously looking at your relationships and your sexuality.

First, sexuality is rarely black and white. I've talked to a lot of straight folks who said they have had a homosexual encounter, or near homosexual encounter, enjoyed it, but are definitely straight. Forcing people to acknowledge that they're gay is just as harmful as people who say to gay folks "you just haven't met the right woman (or man)." Ease off on the recruiting. Give these guys and gals some time to think things through.

Also... Bill Maher is a favorite comedian of mine. So I'm going to finish each blog with a take on his 'new rules' called... Pre-emptive strikes...

Pre-emptive strike for today...
Before swearing off men and going to women for the sole reason of "All men I date are assholes, I'm swearing them off" - there are plenty of a-holes on the other side of the fence. And the odds of you attracting them are about the same as attracting another asshole guy.