If I was to select a doctor the way the Right tells me how I should select a president

First and foremost, I would want a doctor who was not an 'elitist.' Before I look at things like "credentials" - I would want to make sure I could have a beer with this doctor after my procedure.

I would also want the doctor to be devoutly religious. Preferably born-again. And despite my doctor's constant exposure to "science" - I would want to make sure he or she believed in Creationism.

OK - those two big things are out of the way. Let's keep going.

I would want a doctor who would not waver. If a new study comes out, saying a certain drug is known to have harmful side effects, I would want my doctor to be steadfast in his or her belief that the drug prescribed to me will help me. Regardless of the adverse effects. Any second-guessing of his prescriptions is a sign of weakness. No flip-flopping on diagnosis either - even if new tests come out.

Speaking of come out. No homos. That should go without saying. I'd be afraid of what would happen to me when I'm unconscious during surgery.

Finally, I want a doctor who has pride in the hospital he or she works. You say another hospital can do a certain task better? Nonsense. I hate doctors who do not have pride in their own hospital. Their hospital is the best at everything. From the cafeteria to burn treatment to cancer screenings - the hospital I go to is the best. End of story.