Finally, A Fundamentalist That's Fun

SNL Battle Royale

The Chicago Tribune is doing an interesting bracket match up, pitting the best SNL performers against one another.

I can't help but think of basketball when I'm looking at this, so I'm thinking more along the lines of SNL MVPs than ones that may have been great with a great cast (e.g. Belushi, Phil Hartman). Such as Eddie Murphy, who almost singlehandedly carried SNL through its leanest years of talent or Tina Fey, whose sharp writing help revitalize SNL after they lost Will Ferrell.

By the way - the voting process sucks all ass on the Chicago Tribune site.

Me Angry White Man Too

I was listening to my daily two-minute blast of Rush Limbaugh (know thy enemy) today when he read the following column from Gary Hubbell from the Aspen Times:
http://www.aspentimes.com/article/2008198091324

The article states how the angry white man will be the deciding factor in the 2008 election. Much like the angry white man helped bring the Republicans back in control of the Senate and House in 1994.

Only problem is that it looks like there's some gaps in the logic...

He’s a man’s man, the kind of guy who likes to play poker, watch football, hunt white-tailed deer, call turkeys, play golf, spend a few bucks at a strip club once in a blue moon, change his own oil and build things. He coaches baseball, soccer and football teams and doesn’t ask for a penny. He’s the kind of guy who can put an addition on his house with a couple of friends, drill an oil well, weld a new bumper for his truck, design a factory and publish books. He can fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal and get it to the power plant on time so that you keep the lights on and never know what it took to flip that light switch.

Woah - He quickly went from summing up 99 percent of the guy population to summing up about .09 percent of the population. Play poker, watch football, hunt - check, check check. Put an addition on his house with a few friends, drill an oil well, fill a train with 100,000 tons of coal? That's not an average angry white male, that's Paul Bunyan.

The Angry White Man is not a metrosexual, a homosexual or a victim. Nobody like him drowned in Hurricane Katrina — he got his people together and got the hell out, then went back in to rescue those too helpless and stupid to help themselves, often as a police officer, a National Guard soldier or a volunteer firefighter.

Heyah! Though I've had fulfilling relationships with BOTH sexes, I guess I'll say I'm gay for this response. Are you ABSOLUTELY sure not one person who was killed in Katrina wasn't an angry white man? What about those who HAD to stay (be it those rugged guys and gals who had to stay behind to do damage control like EMTs or people who worked at hospitals? Not a metrosexual or a homosexual? So, those are bad things? Bill Maher said it best when he said metrosexuals were just guys who liked to look good. You don't have to drag your knuckles and smell like shit to prove you're a guy. If you look at old photos of the "rugged" men of the '40s - many of them have more creme in their hair than Mitt Romney and wore heavy perfume, they would shame many-a-metrosexuals of today.

And as a gay guy (though I'm more into ladies so far this year), I do get angry as well. Not "Lipstick Jungle is going to be in reruns" angry. I mean angry when I see bullshit columns like this desperately try to generalize swaths of the population. Angry when I see people vote against their economic interests because the candidate is more of a person of God than his opponent. Angry when he sees another murder victim in a city get chalked up as another stat if their death is in the wrong area of town, but if the area is in a prominent area of the city, the death gets continuous coverage in the paper and on radio. A true person of anger would get pissed off when they hear the news that the richest 1 percent in the U.S. desperately needs another tax cut when they see their wages stagnate for the fifth straight year.

He also votes, and the Angry White Man loathes Hillary Clinton. Her voice reminds him of a shovel scraping a rock. He recoils at the mere sight of her on television. Her very image disgusts him, and he cannot fathom why anyone would want her as their leader.

For a column that prides itself on these angry white men not being victims, it sure sounds like these guys are the some of the whiniest victims in our society. A true, intelligent angry person (I think anger doesn't subscribe to a specific race) would not lay the blame for their anger at the feet of Hillary Clinton. They would look at her voting record and realize that her record is very similar to a lot of Republicans. A true, intelligent angry person would not be swayed to loath the very sight of Hillary just because Beck, Limbaugh and Hannity tell them that's what they should feel when they see Hillary on the tele.

There Goes The Siren That Warns of the Air Raid...

Weekend Report

I do have to admit that I'm happy to see Obama sweep states where non-Midwesterners feel are some of the most hickish states in the union.

I watched Real Time With Bill Maher and there was a ton of great stuff in last week's episode. Such as...
- Ever notice that ever since Bush was reelected, those terror alerts have dropped down considerably?
- There's a huge need for the rush to feel that Roger Clemens is guilty. Most notably, it bookends a sports scandal. Our generation's greatest hitter vs. our generation's greatest pitcher. One's black, one's white.
- Also, I may be looking too much into this, but doesn't O'Rourke look like he's had a few before coming to the forum?
- The brewhaha over human growth hormone. Everyone does it - in the form of eating genetically modified products.

Why is this Man Throwing Up? (A Requium for Romney)

Mitt Romney dropped out of the race today. This actually stunned me - he has more money than Huckabee and the Republican machine supports Romney more than Huckabee.

Romney's most memorable quote:

"If I fight on in my campaign, all the way to the convention, I would forestall the launch of a national campaign and make it more likely that Senator Clinton or Obama would win. And in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror."

Wait...if that's the case, didn't you just surrender to the terrorists then? To me, a true patriot would keep fighting. Unless, that was a pure statement of political bullshit.

After his announcement, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel more hope in the universe. With that announcement, I also felt a bit of a "whooshing" feeling. It was the implosion of the far Right media. Mitt Romey, despite Laura Ingram, Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh's nearly year-long span of free, glowing publicity, folded, leaving Huckabee and John McCain.

I thought: "Wow...for at least four years, I won't have to hear Rush Limbaugh's cock-sucking interviews with a Vice President. He was in with the Bush administration, now he's on his way out. In addition, another fellow douchebag is also getting beat up: Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family. Check out this exerpt from Glenn Beck's Web site:

DR. DOBSON: Well, I'm kind of disappointed this morning but that's the way it is.

GLENN: I'm thinking about putting my car in the garage and pulling the garage door down and letting the engine run. You're just slightly disappointed?

DR. DOBSON: That's an understatement obviously but the Republicans have spoken and so sobeit.

GLENN: So are you a Republican? You are a conservative. You are not a Republican. You are a conservative first, right?

DR. DOBSON: I am a decided conservative. The party doesn't mean a lot to me and I tend to vote my conscience and that's certainly going to be the case this time.

GLENN: Okay. So --

DR. DOBSON: I'm so disappointed in the outcome because John McCain is not a conservative. You know, he has gone out of his way to say that he can hardly stand us. You know, his major legislation has really represented the views of Kennedy and Lieberman and Feingold and others and so I just do not believe he will make a good President, and I just regret what happened last night.

So...making financial contributions transparent to Americans and putting reasonable restrictions on what you can donate to a candidate is a free speech violation. But these are the same assholes who wanted the Dixie Chicks off the air?

It would be naive to believe this is the death keel of the Glenn Beck's and Rush Limbaugh's of the world. Everyone will find their audience, especially when they are the voice of the opposition. But right now, I think I'm going to savor this for what it is: a total rejection of what these fucknuts stand for by the American voter.