Thursday, October 27, 2005

Now every other man I see ... reminds me of the one who disappointed me

So - had coffee with this guy last night at a coffee shop in the Old Market. We had some good conversations via gay.com and coffee seemed like the next logical step. It's coffee, not alcohol. It's cheap. And after one or two cups, you should be able to sum up your next suitor.

... and it did.

The place is littered with couches, so I sat on a loveseat next to him ... and waited to finish his conversation on his cell.

... already I'm starting to be defensive. Some calls you need to take before you meet someone, but this conversation was more about who was wearing what at a party a few days ago.

Being in journalism, I am fairly good at ice breakers. So I start asking about his move to Omaha (he lived in rural Iowa), his opinion of the city, his job. I also asked what music he liked and he shrugged " I don't know, everything, I guess" in a dull, passive and limp response. After a few questions, I paused, looked around, waiting for him to ask me something about my life, and with no response, I made some general comment about the artwork in the place.

It didn't take long for me to finish the second cup of coffee. I looked at my watch and said I had some stuff to do and we went our separate ways. No harm done. Friends who don't truly 'get' me as my close friends whined "You should have given him a chance. Maybe he's shy." Yes, and I love shy people. But something has to draw you in - attract you. This is usually when nonverbal communication comes into account (not making out - just reactions and gestures).

Walking to my car, the thoughts immediately rushed to my head. "Why can't I find an interesting guy in Omaha?" "Are all the geeks taken?" But I realize how cluttered chat rooms are with that sort of negative bullsh**. If anything, I can use the experience - harmless as it was - in future endeavors. Sort of like going on job interviews.

Preemptive strike -

Straight friends who repeatedly dis gays in front of you - again and again. Then pat you and say "I'm not talking about you, just others." Yeah - and a lot of those criticisms are probably true. But for some reason, it still cuts. Even though I'm removed from the attack. When I was growing up, I actually heard some folks (white) make some snide comments about blacks in front of a a co-worker who was black. They immediately said "We're not talking about you...." Of course not. And I don't believe that only people within a culture can lay criticism toward that culture. I just gotta be honest - some of the barbs sting.


1 Comments:

Blogger Sheila said...

I agree with you. Trust yourself!

2:54 PM  

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