Writing and Confidence

It's no secret that writers, even journalists, have sensitive skins. For various reasons, I've wrestled with lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in the fact that next year, I'll be reentering the journalism world at the ever-creeping age of 32. Lack of confidence in that I'm growing farther apart from some lifelong friends due to the natural progression of age. Lack of confidence in my desire to go into this low-paying, unappreciated profession.

So anyway - with that in mind, I opted to skip out on my routine 20-mile ride and catch a book reading from one of my former journalism professors at the Joslyn Castle in Omaha. The castle - a mansion with lush mahogany throughout its four-story interior - was a marvel to just walk through. I initially heard about this book reading via an NPR 'public billboard' announcement. "Free and open to the public" and "book reading" - I came dressed in jeans. To my horror - the majority of the people there were in upscale dresses and suits with bold ties. Luckily there were two other older guys in jeans.

I met my old journalism professor and immediately I felt like I was back in my element. I was the only former student present, a fact that she pointed out during her talk. It was intimate enough of a setting that virtually every person went shook each other's hand. For some reason, shaking the hands of that many people and saying I was a freelance writer gave me a much needed confidence boost. My professor asked for my email address in case "something were to come up the pike."

I left on a high. Still, I realized how much my mood hangs on these sort of things - the need to be constantly validated. When one of the panel members said of the author's subject that he was oftentimes pleased, but never satisfied with his work, I felt like that was a trait way too familiar with me.