Sunday, February 26, 2006

Only kisses on the cheek from now on...

So, my roommate informed me this week he was moving to Alaska to take a job. I'm elated for him. It's in the culinary field and the work appears to be giving him stuff that will at least be a challenge.

That leaves me with two choices... stay in Omaha or move. And I have six weeks to decide. I feel bad about ditching a job that I just started - especially since the job is rewarding, challenging and has a cool group of people. I also got my first paycheck, which was a cut from my last job. And if this is a cut... damn - it's going to suck all ass working at a newspaper that will pay about 10,000 less than the pay cut I'm receiving. Living in Omaha means getting a dog and possibly a house. Moving means perhaps being more comfortable with myself, a new start while I'm still (relatively) young and a place to escape the negativity that is my immediate family.

I went to this coffee house this morning and I chatted with this cool woman who has been serving me coffee there every Sunday for the past two years. We talk music (mostly Jeff Buckley and Eagle*Seagull) and life in Omaha. She's about to quit, but she's not too sure if she should move out to California to pursue her boyfriend. She said offhandedly "I just need someone to sit me down and tell me what to do."

Don't we all. Someone who only has your interest at heart, is totally non-judgmental and omnipotent. That's all I ask.

Anyway - my ex and I grabbed coffee this weekend. I wanted to head to the more local coffee shops. He wanted to do the mall. He won. I was dragged to the mall, but I saw him - he's lost about 30 pounds (by working out, not by cigarettes and coffee), had a cute new hairstyle and said he's doing awesome at his new job. But like me, he's thinking of moving. He's thinking of making THE BIG move - New York.

His new job afforded him the luxury of spending too much on clothes and a watch at The Buckle. I do have to admit, it did feel 'good' when I was out there with him. We were together, shopping for a watch. It was an expensive purchase (around $100), so I felt like I was in some sort of relationship ritual. I was looking at the watch, telling him whether or not it's a good purchase. Holding his hand as he pinched the watch, seeing how many links needed to be taken off. I felt responsible, noble and caring. We were a couple to the people around us, although not much was said. It felt so traditionally like we were a couple. So normal.

And yeah, so gay.

Still, I know the reasons why we split. It was amicable. And both of us are in a weird position right now where we don't know where we are going to be in the next two months. It would rock to just comfortable fall back into the cocoon ritual of having a boyfriend. But I don't know if I'm more in love with the IDEAL of having that type of normalcy and stability back into my life or if I'm truly in love with that person. He drove me back to my car. We didn't hold hands. We kissed, but only on the cheek (face cheek, pervs). I drove back home thinking of the Fiona Apple lyrics "only kisses on the cheek from now on" and "I want your warmth, but it will only make me colder when it's over."

Preemptive strike

I saw Sigur Ros in Kansas City last week. One thing that constantly blows me away is how wired people are during these shows. I'm not talking about "these young kids", because the 42-year-old dude that I went with was texting his daughter the set list throughout the show. Now, Sigur Ros is one of those bands that forces you to sit and absorb the snow. And although the crowd was polite, some just couldn't sit still, like they were playing a video game throughout the show. Are we that attention-deficit-ridden that most of us cannot sit through a concert, yet alone a movie anymore without having to talk, text or take a photo with your cell? Chill, sit down and absorb the moment, folks. Not every detail needs to be documented the moment it happens.

1 Comments:

Blogger Nic said...

First of all, it's about time this bloody page got updated!

And seriously, this post was sooo cute. I had some weird fuzzy feeling after reading it. Loves It!

9:43 PM  

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