Tuesday, December 06, 2005


Ok, I opted to stay in Omaha until spring. When spring comes - I'm gone. Unless I land a great job that enables me to rent the upper floor of a house with a back yard so I can purchase a weimaraner. But, until then, I'm not going to get soft. I'm learning Dreamweaver, beefing up on my copy editing and trying prevent the holidays and bowl season from turning my semi-defined form into a doughy mess. With that, I don't plan on a huge weight loss plan. Just a 'fit' plan. A pound a week, which is the reward from four cardio workouts a week and no soda or chips (at least not excessive intake). So, it starts with my current weight of 174. Now, I know that you can usually gain and lose say...15 pounds a day at a given time, so I plan on weighing myself after about 20 minutes in the sauna after a 45-minute ride.

So, I was at the gym last night and this really cute, bright and mellow woman was demonstrating the new pilates machines. I tried not to grin when she kept using the term "core" (an excessive pet peeve of mine right now is people obsessing about their 'core'). After the demo, there was a raffle - and I won three one-hour pilates sessions. I wanted to start up a small conversation with this woman after her demo, but I settled for a few questions about lower back conditioning and that was it. I didn't want it to appear that I was hitting on her.

Which...brings me to today's discussion - hitting on people. An annoying co-worker was working on my computer, talking about the band he's in and how I need to rent Madagascar because of the penguins. He's one of those co-workers who will imitate Homer's 'mmm' for anything in the kitchen (e.g. 'mmmm....coffee'). While working on my computer, he said something along the lines of "Nebraska women are so uptight, you can't talk to them without them thinking you're hitting on them. It's not like LA, where they (women) were a lot more laid back. I'm like 'Sorry, honey, don't flatter yourself, I'm not hitting on you.'" ... said the middle-aged guy who constantly brags about how his kids think he's supercool. I wanted to say in a uber-dry tone "I feel the same way about the guys, man," but I opted against that - too obvious of a punchline.

It's best to use the laws of simplicity in this one. If a girl thinks you're hitting on her, you probably are (believe me, there are exceptions to this law). In one of Chris Rock's bits, he said "Ever since you were 14, every guy you know has been trying to get you in the sack!" He went through an average conversation "You want help carrying those books? How 'bout some d**k?"

If you are in a bar, or even a gym - it's far easier just to face facts. There's no way you can strike up a conversation with a stranger without it seeming like you are hitting on them. Especially at a bar (the best you can do is ask him/her 'So...have you heard good things about that new VOX vodka?'). So, as soon as you come to terms with that - hopefully it will make starting a conversation easier. To me, hitting on someone is persistent bothering. There's nothing wrong with a friendly 'how goes it?' while you're waiting for your cocktail or your muscles to recover from doing curls. If you think that person is cool and you want to get to know that person, the lesser the fear of thinking your approach will seem like a come-on.

I'm super shy, however. I cut and run if I don't see a slight glimmer of connection from the person I approach (which is rare for me to do). HOWEVER... if a guy (since I don't think a girl has ever done this) has the courage to buy me a drink, I respect courage. If it's someone I'm not totally attracted to (physically or intellectually) - I handle this like an economics major. That drink buys you ten minutes of conversation (15 if the person asks what I am drinking or if they order high-end vodka). If conversation starts to go sour or into the "what are you into" area, I'll switch the conversation to the current nuclear proliferation dilemma in Iran or Thomas Friedman's latest column from the New York Times.


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